Land HO!

This is one thing I can deal with as a parent:

“HEEEELP! I can’t hold on any looonger!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll save you! Reach out, I’m almost theeeere!”


Just hearing them play “fort” brings back the memories. Imaginations running wild.

I have grandparents from Arizona. In the summers, we would visit them for a week at a time and were turned loose to do as we would with whatever there was to do it with. My favorite thing (besides reading on the porch swing in the wind) was the four-wheeler. They had (I have no idea how many) acres of land, and we rode all day long if we could. One memory that I hold dear is this: I was wandering around aimlessly, probably noting the clouds or looking for lizards as one does in Arizona, and my sister, Brooke came tearing around the corner on the four-wheeler. “Come on!! They’ve found us and they’re coming after us!”

I needed no more clues—we were on an adventure! I hopped on the back and said, “GO, GO, GOOO!!! I think I see them coming!” She sped up and we were off on our imaginary adventure. She whispered (loud enough for me to hear over the speeding engine), “wow, you caught on quick.” Well, that’s because, what’s better than a great chase? Or pirates catching up with your ship? Or hanging on for dear life with your last two fingers before you plummet down the sheer face of a 4000 foot cliff? Everything always turns out great. You always save the day. You are the hero.

going on 5

Happy Birthday, my boy! He has lived for four years. And I mean he has REALLY lived. I’m glad he lives with me. My life is fuller and more fun because of this character I call Son. I understand him. (Well, most of the time.) He loves people. He loves learning and exploring. He is tender and loving. He is very diplomatic and fair--he has even taken to calling himself a peacemaker, and it’s true. He’s also a mess maker and has so much energy I am spinning constantly. But that craziness is balanced by his ease. He is an easy person. Easy to please, easy to smile, easy to love. He sings and talks and asks questions all the time and runs faster in his new shoes than ever before. He loves baking, and especially loves tasting the things we’re baking. He climbs and swings and drives his little sister crazy. He loves space and airplanes and volcanoes and books and educational movies. He climbs into bed with his big sister almost every night and ends up a sweaty little snoring-sprawled-out monkey. He is very polite and remembers to say “I’m sorry” and he really means it. He says he loves me to the moon and back, and to the moon and back again, but I love him more.

night-time ramblings

Have you ever walked outside and the smell assaults your senses and takes you to another place and time? This happens to me quite often. I will walk out at night and the stars and the night air will hit me and add on to the memory bank of other nights that have felt just like this night. It even happens when I’m driving with the windows down. I’ll pass a wooded area that is thick with pines and I am brought into my childhood. Songs do the same thing to me. I’ll hear the lyrics and the tune and the rhythm and I am transported. Not only transported, but along with it comes this ache. My whole chest feels as if it might explode with feeling.

The scriptures teach us that God knows the beginning and the end. He is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. I wonder if that means He can go back and forth in time in some weird way. I hope that someday in my quest toward knowing everything, becoming all powerful and being everywhere all at once that I will be able to go back and revisit moments that have become powerful memories in my mind. It would be interesting revisiting different situations in my life from a newer more knowledgeable perspective. Did I act with integrity? Was I naïve? There are people who I loved to be with who I never got to keep in my life. There are people that stayed in my life longer than they should have.

Why the ache? 15 years ago should be fading out. 18 years ago should seem like another lifetime. But I get pushed back every so often and it’s like it was last night or this morning. Is this some sort of time travel? I am reliving little moments and now have the knowledge of how I could have lived better and the ache represents the loss that is mine? The knowledge of how I could have improved my life or someone else’s and now it’s too late?

Who knows. I’ll just keep reveling in the aches that produce pure joy. The crisp air that represent moments of peace. The lyrics that remind me of things I have done right. Ache away, little chest. I will live on and progress in spite of, or maybe because of, the swelling that comes and goes.