We understand each other.

The kids have testing today at school and the teachers have requested that the kids get a good night sleep and eat healthy breakfasts.  After filling a water bottle and giving it to my son (several times), I brought it outside to him while he was waiting for the bus. He brought it in from outside and placed it on the counter.

 

Me: Hey, take your water bottle!

 

Him: If I take it, it will completely obliterate my chances of getting up to walk around during the test!

 

Me: Oh.  Yes.  You’re right.  Leave it here



He is now eleven years old.  Happy Birthday, son!

This week I...

Enjoyed the summer weather.


Did a lot of gardening.



Freaked out a little but about ticks.

Sprayed a lot of bug spray.

Went to the park, either two or three times. I can’t remember.

Rode bikes several times and hauled two babies in back of me once.

Took several walks/runs.



Went to a knitting group at my library.

Listened to two and a half audio books.

Drove my family crazy because I couldn’t hear them while I was listening to my books.

Played some fun games with my 8-11 year old girls at church.

Stressed out about all the millions of things I have to do.

Took lots of Advil because my shoulder hurts so bad.

Canceled my doctor appointments and ignored all the tests I’m supposed to be doing so that I can prove that all those things are not what is wrong with me so I can go to an infectious disease doctor who may or may not be able to help me.

Went to visit my friend.



Had a lot of desires heat up inside me that have no way of being set free to burn bright. Yet.

Failed to mail my mom’s birthday box. (and valentine box<--I have a problem)

Cleaned out my barn studio.

Jumped on my bed with my 3 year olds.

lacking

A while back, I told my seven year old to document a family birthday party with her Instax. Later, I saw a pile of little pictures. It was adorable. But I had to have a little chat with her about privacy. (That’s saying something since I seem to have an obvious lack of the sense of privacy myself.)

I know that there has been an obvious lack of something else around here. (That would be me, writing on my blog.) I’ve been trying to decide whether to even address it or not. But I’ll just keep it really simple: The third year in the life of a mother of twins is harder than the first year in my humble opinion. Who knew? Maybe the other twin moms? I understand not wanting to scare the new twin moms, but there you have it. Maybe if you expect it, it won’t be quite so hard.

Anyway, my inclination is that I really want to write everything down that I haven’t had time to. But that just stops me in my tracks because it’s too grand a task for one like me.

So let’s just pretend that we’re all caught up, shall we?

I’ve missed you, friends!

you turned three!

Dear Ones,


You are precious. I cried like 20 times today because you are driving me insane. But I still think you are precious, and I’m going to focus on that right now, and nothing else because I want to live a long and healthy life, not one in the loony bin. I’m going to focus on that because I want to feel love and joy and happiness and have lots of the good stuff in my memory bank.



Eden, you tell me that you love me about 78 times a day. You say it when you are happy and when you are sad. You say it when you are tired or when you have to go to the bathroom. But I don’t mind. Every time you say, “Mommy. I love you,” I say it right back. Because I do.

Last week at church I told you how the primary children were singing about Adam, the prophet, and how he lived in the Garden of Eden with Eve. Later you were so excited to tell your big brother and sisters! You said, “Adam and Eve and and and they lived…in the Garden…of ME!!!” I can’t stand your cuteness, you’re killing me.

You are so clever. Such a smart girl. And you love it when I have you repeat that; you say it with such joy and enthusiasm, you look as if you might burst: “I am smaaaart. I am beautiful. I am impoe-tant. I am looooooved. I am kind. I am divine…” You have really started to belt out the songs. You love music and sing constantly. You have quite a repertoire of songs stashed in that noggin. When you catch glimpse of yourself in the rear-view mirror of the car, you say, “Look, I have loooong hair.” It’s quite an accomplishment. When your sister gets shy meeting new people, you always smile and introduce her by her full, formal name.



My Jane-y Pot Pie. You have taken to nuzzling lately. You made up your own perfect word to go with it. You work your way into my body and say, “mommy, you so comfity.” As in comfort-y. It’s the sweetest thing.

You are thoughtful and sensitive and girly. You want to look pretty every day, and by pretty I mean that you want to wear a dress so you can dance. (Imagine dancing without a dress on…nope. You can’t do it; no dancing in pants.) Your favorite is Cannon in D and you ask for it by name, daily. Classical music calms you. You are protective of your sister and will do what you think you can to help her out when she is sad or upset. Even when she is in trouble and we are taking her to time out, you say, “Be nice to my sister.” You love her. You are very good at pretending. You take it seriously and even your older brother and sisters can’t help but join in, whether you are “shopping” or “sleeping.” Whether you are a princess or a baby or a mommy or a dog, we have no choice but to believe you.



You’ve been here with me for three years now. But I know that you have always been mine, and I yours, whether I remember it or not; we have always been family. You are part of me and it goes so deep that I know that you always have been part of me and you always will be. Even after we leave the earth at our individual moments, we will still be bound together forever. I can sense that bond with you girls and it is intense and steadfast. I wish there were better and more powerful words but for now all I can tell you is this: I love you completely, wholly and deeply. I love you like mad.

Always,
me

december views

Behind me I heard little voices: "I love you, Princess."  "I love you, too, Ladybug." So I stopped what I was doing to take a picture.




She loved her play dough snow man.  She put a little face on it with a marker and then when I told her to show it to me so I could take a picture, she said, "No, I want to look at it like this."  And then she just sat there.  So I clarified, "You want me to take a picture of you looking at your snowman?" "Yep."  So I did.


Her little tree.  She's very proud.  My favorite part is the clown nose that is being used as an ornament.



His retired work clothes.




Disguised for an activity at the mall.  This cracks me up every time I look at it;)


She can peel a clementine in one long stringy thing.


This is my oldest daughter's: a vintage compact.  She found it at an antique store a while back and loves that it has a secret compartment.  I hid a secret love note in it.  Someday she will find it right when she needs it, I am sure. (Because Father blesses us like that--little stuff right when we need it.)


Jake brought home this big tupperware that held cookies in it from work.  This little munchkin fell in love with it.  After hanging out with him all day, she said on the way to bed, "Mommy, I want to sleep with my cookie.  I love that cookie."




Home made play dough.


Through the windshield.



Merry Christmas, friends!  And happy all the other stuff that's going on, too.

xx

I once was blind but now I see

I was trying to be like my friend Jolie and knit without looking. It worked! And as I was knitting without my eyes, my brain took me way back to when I worked at a bakery in SLC, Utah. I was rushing and there had been a long line non-stop and I was most likely acting like a robot because when the next man in line said, “I’d like a loaf of Honey Whole Wheat, please” I simply said, “It’s right on the shelf behind you.” I can’t remember what exactly happened next. Maybe I gave him further instructions, like say, “You know, half way down the shelf...right there…” Or maybe he asked me to get it for him and I heaved a heavy sigh. I can’t remember what exactly it was that led the people behind him in line to spell it out for me. “He can’t see.” They spoke slowly and clearly. It was like a slap in the face. I actually looked at the man standing in front of me and saw that, indeed, he was blind. I apologized profusely and scrambled around to get the loaf of bread. Then I folded all the bills in his change as he directed so he would recognize what they were when he pulled out his wallet at the next store…where the next person to serve him would have no problem noticing the details that add up to: blind man—help accordingly.




I’m sure I still don’t SEE a lot that is right in front of me. But I have recognized a lot of good, happy-making things this month that I am grateful for…

time out

Me: Oh, no. Is your baby in time out?


Her (2.5 years old): Yep.



Me: What did she do?



Her: She bit her sister

I woke up today and realized that it is November!

I love November. Not only is it my birth month (let’s hear it for the Scorpios!), but it is the month that reminds me again and again to focus on my blessings. To celebrate the good and be thankful for it.





It is a month that feels like winding down. And if there’s anything I need right now, it is a winding down. I’m on a search for stillness.



Isn’t it funny how we search for the things that are missing from our lives at that moment? At other times in my life I would never have been on a search for stillness. But here I am, seeking peace in a big way.



It’s the great balancing act.



So while I have been guilty of having a bit of a downer attitude about the big snow storm that left us wanting for power and Halloween, I woke up today realizing that there was another side to it. Last night, in the stillness of candlelight, we happily ate our pumpkin pancakes and danced to softly playing classical music. I realized that I was grateful for the forced quiet. For the snow day that allowed us to catch up and enjoy each other. For the generator that kept us with running water and a way to cook food and stay warm. I was grateful (for the millionth time) for my genius of a husband who takes care of us continually.



And even though I wish I were here on my blog more often and acting on all of my creative impulses, I am thankful for the two whipper-snappers who make it impossible. And I am thankful for the understanding that the day will come that I will have more time to dedicate to that and when that day is here, I will feel grateful for the time I spent with my children, struggling for balance. Because surely they give to me and I give to them and after all is said and done, I will have learned stuff that I couldn’t have learned any other way.

The other day, I was having the little girls help me make a birthday cake.  I gave them each an egg to crack (that's right, I start 'em young).When the first one pulled the egg apart with her little fingers, the egg missed the bowl.  It plopped onto the counter and then slid from the counter to the chair and then guuuued slowly off the chair onto the floor.  It happened in slow motion and we all watched it silently.  Then my girl said clearly and calmly, "Oh, my gossss. I can't believe it."

so what if I don't want to think of a title for this post?

There are times that I make decisions based on what I see other people care about. For instance, I don’t care if my kid eats something off the ground, but I’ve noticed that other people seem to care, so when I see them pick up something that fell on the ground I tell my children, “Oh, don’t eat that. That’s yucky.”

I have a drawer by the stove that is full of utensils: spatulas, measuring spoons and measuring cups, whisks, a ladle, a can opener, vegetable peeler. You know. That drawer. I just had all the stuff in there, there weren’t any organizers and everything was just chillin’ out together. Like a party. One day my mom and mother in law and sister in law were hanging out in the kitchen. Maybe they were cooking or something, but they all wanted me to organize the drawer. The thought hadn’t crossed my mind that I should make a point to go to the store and purchase something to go into my utensils drawer that would keep my whisks from getting unruly. So I told them they could have at it. By the next day I had little compartments within the drawer and everything was in its’ place. Weeks later one of them asked me if I liked the drawer better and if I could find what I needed quicker. “I guess so,” I said. It really didn’t make a difference to me either way. But after a few years of living with it like that I can see that I always know which area of the drawer to go to when I’m reaching for my measuring spoons. (And that comes in handy when you’re making a quick batch of chocolate chip cookies.) Now I notice if someone else unloads the dishwasher and puts something back into the drawer in the wrong place. I found myself correcting my son when he was helping me out one day. “Actually, the measuring cups go HERE.” I heard myself and was a little annoyed.

But I can see that other people like the drawer better when it’s organized and neat. So I do it.

There are all kinds of things that people do that I wouldn’t do unless I felt pressured socially. Things like worry that I have a trampoline with out a net. I wouldn’t care if it didn’t have a matt around the springs, but it does because I inherited it like that. I have a trampoline because it is fun to jump on. Why can’t it remain simple? You feel like jumping high and doing a flip because it is fun, so you go onto the trampoline and do it. That’s how it was when I was a kid, but now there are all these safety measures people have taken.



When people jump high on something that is 3 feet off the ground, there is a risk of falling. Sometimes people might get the wind knocked out of them and every once in a while someone gets a broken bone. To me, these are unfortunate moments, but natural consequences of being human. But there are people, lots of people, obviously, who feel that if there is a risk, we should find ways to prevent these things from happening. So they design things and sell them, making the world a safer place.

My guess is that those people don’t have ADD.

Yesterday we went to the beach with family friends.  We played in the sand and collected rocks and stuff.  The kids boogie boarded.  Life is rough.



Today it is raining and we're eating cupcakes and going to the library.  I can see why people are always nervous about summer vacation.

ummmm, WHAT?

In between the fighting and dancing we're going to make some lotion and see what crazy 'do's we can capture on film.  Here's what we've gotten so far: