don't listen to the meanies.

So I recently submitted paintings for the squam art show. I thought I was more prepared this time. I even wrote a guest post about it, encouraging others to submit. But there they are again, those little meanies: “You didn’t have enough time in your barn. Those pieces aren’t good enough. They should be more meaningful pieces. Why can’t you paint the light better?” and on and on.

But then I look at my life and see how full it is. I see that I have the amazing blessing of motherhood and I’d be silly to neglect that. Of course I have a hard time getting to my barn/studio. But at least my days are full of little faces and bodies and voices that I adore. At least I can get into my bed all exhausted and snuggle up to the love of my life. In fact it was hearing my son say, “That one is so awesome. It’s my favorite” that gave me the courage to push send. It was remembering the poem that my daughter wrote about one of my paintings in her poetry unit at school that helped me lift my chin and walk away from the computer feeling ready to move on with my day.

Time is hard to balance. And more time in my barn is coming as sure as the fireflies appear on warm nights in my back yard. I’ll get practice and learn and maybe someday I’ll be able to stop pretending that I’m an artist and really truly feel like one.


Post edit:  I just wanted to be more clear here:  the meanies are my own negative thoughts.  Some of us refer to them as "gremlins."  No one has actually said those things to me...unless you count myself.  But that's the point--we all are meanies to ourselves sometimes, and life is all about learning to balance it out.  Sometimes I think I'm pretty awesome too:)