Sunday, August 14, 2005

Falling Apart



I worry a little bit about this body of mine. My husband just falls in bed and goes to sleep. In the morning, he just wakes up and goes. I have all kinds of extras, and it’s worrying me…

Firstly, I can see Jack Squat. Nada. So in and out of contacts every morning and night I go. Squirting, rinsing, and placing carefully into my eyeballs every morning, and grabbing, rinsing, and placing into tiny cups every night. I have to take two kinds of thyroid every day, for the rest of my life. I have found that Straterra for my ADD has done wonders since the birth of my third child and the chaos in my head was driving me into a whirlwind of never-ending stress. The rosacea on my face has gotten worse and worse in the past five years, so I have had to go on and off of tetracycline to fight the redness and breakouts. I have had pregnancy induced hypertension in all three pregnancies, putting me into bed on doctor’s orders, and an emergency c-section which caused all kinds of trauma. I have some form of horrid dry-skin-leprosy-looking rash on the palm of my hand that I am putting some kind of prescription cream on morning and night, and now I have just found out that I have a newly acquired heart murmur that I need to get tested. All of these things, coupled with constant bruises covering my body and dizziness throughout the day, and I wonder if I’m gonna make it to thirty.

It is amazing to me that I am paying hundreds of dollars to the pharmacy and have had a number of referrals and doctor visits, while other people just live. That’s all they have to do. Wake up and see. Take breaths, and their minds work. Walk around without fatigue. Beat, beat, beat, without any swishing involved. Bodies making babies without breaking down. Am I missing some secret? Does clenching your teeth while you sleep cause sickness and hormonal imbalance?

6 comments:

Tori said...

Oh Britt! Now I am worried about you and your health! It does kind of stink getting old, huh? I too feel like I am falling apart. I am pretty sure I have high cholesterol and some sort of arthritis in my elbows (neither of which have been diagnosed by anyone but me but I just have this feeling). I also take medication for anxiety and depression that I have had since the birth of my third child. Please know that you are not alone in all your ailments. Although it stinks, just think about all of your "supermom" feats that you manage to accomplish every day. And about our husbands...what IS up with that? Loren hardly ever has a cold let alone anything else. What is their secret?

Carrie Ann said...

I hear you loud and clear babe. My body ain't what it used to be, and now that I am again doing ballet and yoga, it can't do HALF of what it used to do; but I had NO IDEA you were dealing with all of these things at one time! Poor baby, bless it's heart! (That always makes me feel better when my mom says it to me...) I wish I could come be your personal nanny so that you could have a break sometimes from being the super-mom. I'm sure a little R & R would do your body some good.

Abby said...

"It's always gonna be somethin' with you, isn't it?" (Joe vs. the Volcano)-describes me to a tee. I too have wondered how it is that I am only 25 and have the body of an old woman. I suppose people with real problems would be offended at what "ails" me, but that doesn't make it any easier in the middle of the night when I am awake scratching the skin off of my thighs (strange rash)--I believe itching to be an especially brutal thing to bear (bare?) By the way, does your family find it odd that I named my son Caleb? Good name, huh? I had to ask though.

brittany said...

horray! I've been awaiting the Abby's child news...Carrie Ann, shame on you. Congrats, and I think it's one of my favorite boy names ever, and not strange at all that you have a child with my brother's name. Do you think it's wierd that I named my girl Abby? Probably not. It's a round about compliment when people name thier children names of people they have known well, because it means that those people didn't ruin the name but made it a cool name. did that make sense?

Abby said...

How did I not know you have an Abby? Did I just forget? I'm SO glad I didn't taint it for you!

Amy Lynn said...

Brittany...husbands don't face near the types of stress and distress that mothers face. And mothers don't ever get a vacation or "time off". Even when we are apart from our kids, they are still there emotionally its tough. Motherhood ain't for sissies. I think creating a whole new person is tough on a body too. Mine ain't ever been the same! I love being a mom but no one could have ever warned me of all the different types of sacrifices it would take...its probably why I love these kids so much.