you turned three!

Dear Ones,


You are precious. I cried like 20 times today because you are driving me insane. But I still think you are precious, and I’m going to focus on that right now, and nothing else because I want to live a long and healthy life, not one in the loony bin. I’m going to focus on that because I want to feel love and joy and happiness and have lots of the good stuff in my memory bank.



Eden, you tell me that you love me about 78 times a day. You say it when you are happy and when you are sad. You say it when you are tired or when you have to go to the bathroom. But I don’t mind. Every time you say, “Mommy. I love you,” I say it right back. Because I do.

Last week at church I told you how the primary children were singing about Adam, the prophet, and how he lived in the Garden of Eden with Eve. Later you were so excited to tell your big brother and sisters! You said, “Adam and Eve and and and they lived…in the Garden…of ME!!!” I can’t stand your cuteness, you’re killing me.

You are so clever. Such a smart girl. And you love it when I have you repeat that; you say it with such joy and enthusiasm, you look as if you might burst: “I am smaaaart. I am beautiful. I am impoe-tant. I am looooooved. I am kind. I am divine…” You have really started to belt out the songs. You love music and sing constantly. You have quite a repertoire of songs stashed in that noggin. When you catch glimpse of yourself in the rear-view mirror of the car, you say, “Look, I have loooong hair.” It’s quite an accomplishment. When your sister gets shy meeting new people, you always smile and introduce her by her full, formal name.



My Jane-y Pot Pie. You have taken to nuzzling lately. You made up your own perfect word to go with it. You work your way into my body and say, “mommy, you so comfity.” As in comfort-y. It’s the sweetest thing.

You are thoughtful and sensitive and girly. You want to look pretty every day, and by pretty I mean that you want to wear a dress so you can dance. (Imagine dancing without a dress on…nope. You can’t do it; no dancing in pants.) Your favorite is Cannon in D and you ask for it by name, daily. Classical music calms you. You are protective of your sister and will do what you think you can to help her out when she is sad or upset. Even when she is in trouble and we are taking her to time out, you say, “Be nice to my sister.” You love her. You are very good at pretending. You take it seriously and even your older brother and sisters can’t help but join in, whether you are “shopping” or “sleeping.” Whether you are a princess or a baby or a mommy or a dog, we have no choice but to believe you.



You’ve been here with me for three years now. But I know that you have always been mine, and I yours, whether I remember it or not; we have always been family. You are part of me and it goes so deep that I know that you always have been part of me and you always will be. Even after we leave the earth at our individual moments, we will still be bound together forever. I can sense that bond with you girls and it is intense and steadfast. I wish there were better and more powerful words but for now all I can tell you is this: I love you completely, wholly and deeply. I love you like mad.

Always,
me

december views

Behind me I heard little voices: "I love you, Princess."  "I love you, too, Ladybug." So I stopped what I was doing to take a picture.




She loved her play dough snow man.  She put a little face on it with a marker and then when I told her to show it to me so I could take a picture, she said, "No, I want to look at it like this."  And then she just sat there.  So I clarified, "You want me to take a picture of you looking at your snowman?" "Yep."  So I did.


Her little tree.  She's very proud.  My favorite part is the clown nose that is being used as an ornament.



His retired work clothes.




Disguised for an activity at the mall.  This cracks me up every time I look at it;)


She can peel a clementine in one long stringy thing.


This is my oldest daughter's: a vintage compact.  She found it at an antique store a while back and loves that it has a secret compartment.  I hid a secret love note in it.  Someday she will find it right when she needs it, I am sure. (Because Father blesses us like that--little stuff right when we need it.)


Jake brought home this big tupperware that held cookies in it from work.  This little munchkin fell in love with it.  After hanging out with him all day, she said on the way to bed, "Mommy, I want to sleep with my cookie.  I love that cookie."




Home made play dough.


Through the windshield.



Merry Christmas, friends!  And happy all the other stuff that's going on, too.

xx

I once was blind but now I see

I was trying to be like my friend Jolie and knit without looking. It worked! And as I was knitting without my eyes, my brain took me way back to when I worked at a bakery in SLC, Utah. I was rushing and there had been a long line non-stop and I was most likely acting like a robot because when the next man in line said, “I’d like a loaf of Honey Whole Wheat, please” I simply said, “It’s right on the shelf behind you.” I can’t remember what exactly happened next. Maybe I gave him further instructions, like say, “You know, half way down the shelf...right there…” Or maybe he asked me to get it for him and I heaved a heavy sigh. I can’t remember what exactly it was that led the people behind him in line to spell it out for me. “He can’t see.” They spoke slowly and clearly. It was like a slap in the face. I actually looked at the man standing in front of me and saw that, indeed, he was blind. I apologized profusely and scrambled around to get the loaf of bread. Then I folded all the bills in his change as he directed so he would recognize what they were when he pulled out his wallet at the next store…where the next person to serve him would have no problem noticing the details that add up to: blind man—help accordingly.




I’m sure I still don’t SEE a lot that is right in front of me. But I have recognized a lot of good, happy-making things this month that I am grateful for…

happy new year: a picture story

We left the twins with our awesome babysitter and went out on the town...






my boy took lots of pictures...










resting happened.



she's hiding...


someone loves dresses...



...and I believe she will single-handedly bring back the poofy skirt.  Like big time.







the T got crouded. Crouded enough that the conductor had to tell people to get off and wait for the next train.  "please step away from the platform."  Incidentally, while we were riding said train, some of our friends boarded randomly right where we were riding.  That's just crazy.  On the same car?  In Boston?  On New Year's Eve?  So we caught up and wished each other a happy new year.


Haymarket



We celebrated with the Brits again this year.  (7:00 our time)  We made a lot of noise banging pots and pans and then made a toast with sparkling cider.  Then we ate a yummy dinner and lit candles in the cake to say goodbye to 2010 and make a wish for 2011.



Hello, 2011.  Nice to meetcha.

found.

I found this video on my iPhone the other day while the kids were at school.  Go ahead, push play--it's only 19 seconds long.

Sometimes I find random stuff around the house belonging to the little people I live with and it makes me laugh.  Usually when it has to do with my son, it is pretty entertaining.  I found this comic and I couldn't decide if I felt like laughing or crying...



why them?  It's always them.  I don't like to fight them.  I like them.  Not hate them.

In the Science section of his Christmas list (I didn't know they had even made Christmas lists!  And adding "sections" is a brilliant idea...I should do a list with sections:  around the house; in the kitchen, for my closet; for my entertainment; beautifying me; hobbies...) I noticed an interesting Christmas wish:



Yes.  On the bottom there it reads: high voltage security system for my room. 

I wonder if that would be for protecting his valuables from random burglars or for keeping his sisters out? 

Now that I'm contemplating it, I don't blame him.  In the past week, kitty litter has been brought into his room by the handful on several occasions.  And that's just gross.

grateful friday : medicine rain

As I help my first-grader with her homework, nothing I say is right. I try everything I can, every tone of voice, but no matter what is said or how it’s said, she is defensive and angry with me. I ignore her rudeness and take a deep, cleansing breath and try once more.

Nope.

As I begin the negative-talk inside my head about how I must be a horrible mother who makes her children feel bad about themselves, my brain rushes me to the past. Suddenly I am in southern Utah.

The bon fire filled the desert night with brightness, making the stars hard to see. There were people all around and they were focusing on me. I hate when lots of people are focusing on me. It makes me feel like hiding. I struggle to keep myself from running.


What would they see in me? This was my Naming Ceremony and they had thought about me and my qualities, my good and my bad; my strengths and my weaknesses. They had each thought about what I brought to the world and the people I come into contact with. I was a councilor to kids who needed help and understanding. Did I make a difference or did I leave The Field worrying about their struggles and trials every week for nothing?


The person I loved most in the world was in front of me. He looked like a desert nomad and I loved the ghost bead necklace and the shaggy hair and beard. My heart went soft and I struggled to focus on the words he was saying.


Medicine Rain. I am healing and wise. I am nourishing and life giving. I am like a medicine man of old, full of wisdom that heals those who need healing. I am like the medicine that goes into a body and fights the bad stuff hard enough that the body can heal. I am like water, hydrating all that is living and thirsty allowing life to flourish and grow. I am like the rain that falls from the sky and reaches everything, cleansing it and leaving it fresh and new.

My name is Medicine Rain. I am healing and wise. I am nourishing and life giving. I am gentle and kind.

I am back in my kitchen, the light casting its artificial yellow light through the room and the rain is coming down loudly outside. My darling girl sits working with a frown and a pencil with an eraser that has been all used up. She must be having a bad moment. I love her and she knows it.




I feel blessed that someone I trust with my life told me about myself. I’m grateful that he saw those things in me and told me about them. I’m happy that I choose him every day and I feel blessed that he still chooses me.

snippets

She's doing many double-unders all in a row.  I'm impressed every time.

I love overhearing the kids on playdates when they don't think I'm listening.  Here are a few snippets of my 5 year old's recent playdate with pictures from the past few days interspersed...


breakfast yesterday: green pancakes (I love peanut butter on mine), green syrup & kiwis for st. pattrick's day


Pretend that I snuck a cookie.

 Pretend that I hid while I was eating my cookie.


Pretend that you don’t see the cookie, because I already ate the cookie, even though I really didn’t.


Pretend that I’m a big girl.




Pretend that I’m a singer. I’m not very good at playing the guitar, but pretend that I’m wicked good at it.


Pretend that I’m the mom.


lunch for the babies.  I'm always sneeking in a few paragraphs here and there.
give a baby a bite. read a few sentences and get interrupted by another baby yelling for a bite. give a bite to a baby. give a bite to the other baby. read a paragraph and get interrupted by a yelling baby.


Pretend that this is a computer.

Pretend that you're my sister.

Pretend that...oh, wait, wanna go upstairs and dress up?

(Trust me, there were a million more "pretend that's" but I just couldn't write them all down:)


Pretend that I haven't been so busy that I just can't seem to catch up or keep up.

At least I don't have to pretend that I'm happy or that I live a charmed life.




It's my mamacita's birthday today!  Happy Birthday, Linda Sue!!  I hope this year is full of happiness and joy and progression for you.  I love you, woman!