Friday, November 4, 2011

Take THAT, you no-good, filthy suckers!


Just so you know: I have waged a full scale, all out WAR. I have been invaded by aliens who got all comfortable in their host body. I thought I got them the first time around, what with all those antibiotics, but Lyme cells are sneaky little suckers. But those smart little morphing cells are microscopic fools if they think I’d just roll over and let them hang around in this here body without a fight.

The research I do makes me sick to my stomach. So don’t worry about this being an educational post all about the evils of said Lyme and the conspiracy theories of the people keeping us all in the dark about it. I just wanted to let you know what I’m up to over here.

Because you can’t really tell from the outside. My weapons are invisible to the naked eye. So if you suddenly remember that your friend Brittany is creating a famine and bearing a sword and shield all on the inside, you might want to cheer me on. (You know, like, “Go Britt! You are so awesome!”) (Because sometimes I feel strong and then other times, not so much.)

You know how awesome? So awesome that I haven’t eaten a single piece of Halloween candy. No, my friends. Nary a grain of sugar. (Except for that one day when that beautiful temptress came bearing gifts that had combinations of sweet and bitter (oh, that chocolate frosting!), moist and delectable, homemade and seasonal (apples and caramel in the divine form of baked deliciousness!). Celestial, if I may.) No, not even a bit of fruit. No, not any white flour to speak of and any whole grains sparingly and balanced with lots of protein and fat. Did I mention that my alien enemies feed on sugar? That’s right: FAMINE

A couple of my unusual yet effective strategies that include herbal and food supplements, and knocking those ugly buggers out of their little fortifications (AKA: mama’s joins (read: all that neck/back/shoulder pain)) by running and jumping. I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve now. Like resting when I need to so that my body can fight. I could tell you more, but then I’d have to kill you.

So wish me luck. I’ve got to tell you that I feel really good already. (You know, besides the fatigue and the constant severe pain.) I hate to admit it, because I find great joy in baking and consuming delicious sugary treats. But onward to battle I go!

When I'm totally exhausted I lay down on the kitchen floor.

Okay, but first I just have to lay down and rest a spell.

BTW: if any of you locals are interested in the most wonderful doctor, I highly recommend Dr. Dan’s Natural Healing Center in Newburyport.  Tell him I referred you and you’ll get a discount on your services;)


Shelley said...

Go Britt! I know we haven't "met" but I still know YOU ROCK!

brittany said...

woo hoo! Thanks, Shelley! so do you! Let's conquor this day!

Emma Jo said...

Bless you bless you bless you!!

Shannon Gish said...

(Picture hearing this with a marine voice) "HOOOO-RAH!"

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good fight...the more I get to know people the more I realize that is what life is... a long fight. My battle with depression really reared its ugly head this last week, and your post has reminded that I really need to buckle down of my own sugar and caffeine consumption, because that effects my mood swings big time.
Thanks for inspiration.

Anonymous said...

go, britt! All these efforts will bring good things. You'll be amazed and amazing. Sending my love.

Tara B.