Sunday, November 26, 2006

Nemesis

I am a pretty quiet person. As I have said before, and will say again, I am a peace seeker. I am pretty shy until I know you really well, and even then, if I am the center of several peoples’ attention, I feel very uncomfortable. Like when the candles are in front of me and everyone is singing that one song and snapping pictures, well, I’d like to hide under the table. I am a pretty good mom, if I do say so myself. I am a loving, and nurturing person, and I make a concerted effort to show love and acceptance to my children. I compliment them constantly. I am not telling you this to toot my own horn, but simply wondering if I undo the good aspects of my personality when my Nemesis overcomes me. Do I undo the love? Kinda like the Incredible Hulk, when all the sudden everything becomes too much and he turns green and huge and his clothes rip off and he goes on a rampage. Because sometimes at the end of the day I am tired. I have had enough. I need my peace back. And children never…NEVER want to go to sleep. When there have been too many people crying and whining and clinging and giving me unreasonable requests, there comes a point when my Nemesis takes over. No more Missy Nicegal. My voice becomes deeper and louder, and sometimes shouts escape my throat. My eyebrows move together into a furrow. My lips become a tight line with my jaw clenched. My chin moves toward my chest and the fingers become rigid, moving between fists and finger pointing. My hair is usually stringy at this point, and make up smudged giving the face a tired and evil cast. Instead of a loving mother, the Nemesis puts the children to bed. It’s sometimes as if they can’t go to sleep until the Nemesis has said goodnight in a gruff and final voice. I feel her coming on, and I push her back any way I can. Sometimes my voice is so fake and singsong I roll my eyes at myself. But I have survived the Nemesis for a few more moments. But I don’t win the fight every night. And when the Nemesis has put the children to bed, she stomps down the stairs and mutters to herself for several minutes. Then after several cleansing breaths and moments alone, the heart rate resumes, the fists slacken, the lips relax and the eyebrows rest above the eyes again. The Nemesis has relinquished her claim over me and I realize that my children have said goodnight to her instead of me. What if they get us confused? Did she destroy their healthy self esteems and soft innocence? Did she say anything that I would never dream of saying? Did she make them feel sad right before they enter dreamland? I hate the Nemesis.

www.sundayscribbings.blogspot.com

10 comments:

emma jo said...

I'm totally with you on that one. I kind of snap in an instant...who knew you could say "I love you" for the final time in such a voice?...I did.

Anonymous said...

this post really spoke to me- thank you for sharing it. i had a nemesis moment this morning and i'm still trying to shake it off...and this helped. at least i'm not alone.

Lucky Candice said...

No, we're not alone are we?? Man that sucky nemesis is raising Cole at this point but he won't listen or obey until she comes out!!!!

LC

Suzie Petunia said...

If the Nemesis really does "un-do" the good we do... then I'm in deep dog doo doo. I think our children are more resiliant and understanding than they might appear... at least that is what I keep telling myself! At least they will grow up knowing I'm not perfect!

Left-handed Trees... said...

I know her...and she scares me when she shows up. All I know is, my superhero self is present far more frequently than the nemesis is, and I have to believe that counts for something.
--D.--

Lucy said...

haha this brought back memories of when my kids were young! I think every mom has had just about enough at bedtime, just when you would like to be the most patient. They survive and they remember the mom they had the majority of the time! So you are doing great!

Krista said...

This was so increadibly descriptive- I love this. I can imagine and feel every tense part of your body- the fingers, the mouth, the hair. We have all been the Nemesis before. For me- all too often. Why does the Nemesis only emerge to hurt the people that we love the most??

Jamie Soucy said...

I hate the nemesis too! I find that traveling especially brings out my nemesis!

Kara said...

This is why Chris puts Ellie to bed every night! Then I just pop in and say good night with a kiss and a hug. Everyone does better this way!

Anonymous said...

As a veteran of Somalia, Bosnia, Kosovo, Afghanistan and Iraq...over these last few months...I've wondered to myself, "Is it possible to reduce the amount of hatred and violence in our world?"

Last week, before going to sleep, I began asking myself a lot of WHAT IF questions.

The central theme behind my thoughts are neither anti-war or pro-religion. My words are not meant to inspire scenes of flag-burning or political protest signs. Sadly, I realize that sometimes a lasting Peace means war.

However, unless someone and everyone start talking about the idea of Peace...

Even if it's just for two short minutes...

It's possible that an unstoppable firestorm of hatred may one day burn its way across our entire planet.

Instead of pointing out those differences which separate mankind...

It's my hope that the humanity within all of us will somehow prevail...

Even if it's JUST FOR TWO SHORT MINUTES...

See link: http://just-one-day-of-peace.blogspot.com/

If you write a passage about what the PEACE means to you, I'll build a simple BLOG page featuring your words and original images…