Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Give Sorrow Words

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I love the connections I’ve made here (even though I’m not the most diligent commenter!). I go some places where the writer has a sense of humor and I get a little laugh (and sometimes I find myself with my head thrown back in a riot of laughter). I go to some blogs because they are old friends and I want to keep up and see what’s going on in their lives and with their families. Some blogs inspire me artistically. Some help me plan dinner and inspire me to cook with a good attitude. I go to some blogs for beauty’s sake. Sometimes I go places to read about the trials that women are going through and see how they are pulling through. Some blogs help me in my determination to be a better mother or inspire me to give more in service. Not all of us blog for the same reasons. Thank goodness for that!

I haven’t gone through the trial of infertility, but now I understand it a little better and am more sensitive to it. I have never lived through abuse as a child, yet somehow I understand its effects in a deeper way than I once did. I have never been clinically depressed, although I’ve come close enough, and I take comfort in the fact that it happens to women around the globe and somehow we make it through to the other side. I have never had to live through the grief of losing the love of my life, but I have learned that the process of grief is similar in all its many kinds of losses and I find that when someone is brave enough to write about it, it helps me grow. I love that when I have a question, I can ask it here and I get answers. I love that if I need encouragement, you are always so positive! I have been able to complain about the difficulties of motherhood, as much as we love those little people. I have been able to get feedback professionally and artistically. I have been able to start new hobbies and have new ways of feeling fulfillment. I have been able to vent about ADD and the way it affects me so profoundly. I have been able to share the beauty of life and love.

One thing I haven’t been able to blog about at the request of my parents is what I am going through as a daughter whose parents are going through divorce. I want to be able to—not so I can air “family secrets” or cause embarrassment, but because I am sure that I would get a new kind of support. I would have support from other people who have had to suffer the many effects of the tearing apart of a strong family unit. I would have a better understanding of what its limitations are and which coping methods can be helpful. I would most likely feel an outpouring of love and understanding. Maybe there would be some comfort in knowing that other people have gone through phases of anger and complete love and forgiveness, sometimes in the same exact moment. Sometimes it may be good to have a little comic relief through writing about the drama. Sometimes I think it would do me a great deal of good to write the many lessons I have learned and how I have been strengthened as an individual, as a child of God, as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter. I don’t know why writing helps, but it does. Shakespeare wrote, “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.” I feel the truth of these words now.

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26 comments:

Jen Lynn said...

Crazy, I had a dream last night that my parents were getting a divorce and it was killing me, and I couldn't make myself wake up.

I have no idea what you're going through with that, but I hope that you'll be OK.

andrea said...

hey
you made me cry. but i guess shakespeare knew how to embrace his inner martha stewart and said that's a good thing.
it is my experience that this will always hurt. somedays more, somedays less. the only words of wisdom worth putting on a blog comment are this:
buy a lot of kleenex. and then one day, you won't need to buy as many.
i love your family. you're all in my prayers.

jenica said...

you blog for all of the same reasons that i do.

i have also suffered silently as my parents have divorced and remarried within the last 2 years. it sucks. i wrote one post about it and was reprimanded quite harshly by my grandpa, so i removed it.

if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, a wall to scream at, a hand to hold: i am here and i understand. jekinek at hotmail dot com.

Lucky Candice said...

It is YOUR blog, YOUR heart, YOUR soul that needs. I'm glad you took the risk. Love to you friend -

LC

calibosmom said...

I think its time for a girls night IN. Let the planning begin...love you Britt! Keep your chin up!

Clairissa said...

So beautifully written, and so true. YOu have such a way of writing so profoundly and getting to the heart of things...the heart of what matters. That is not something that is easily done. That is why I love your blog :)

Mikael said...

I visit your blog because you always have inspiring photographs and thoughts. You are beautiful!
My deapest love and support goes out to you during this time with your family. I love you all and hope that it all goes smoothly. I cannot in any way relate, but I do know that the strong woman you are can get through anything, and you can inspire anyone!

MiandMiksmom said...

Oh, this is beautiful...and exactly why I visit your blog. You are deep, artistic, a wonderful mother and always say something that makes me think.

I also love to visit friends' blogs that may be so different from me, but I learn from them. We all struggle and even though it's not with the same things, it is uplifting to see others come out of it and realize that we will too.

thanks for sharing...

Dini said...

So beautifully written. My parents divorced when I was twenty. It was a very sad and emotional time for all of us. My Dad remarried and my Mom didn't. I never thought in a million years we could all be together again as one happy family, but we are. It took many years for our family to heal. We now enjoy holidays, birthdays and even hard times together as a bigger, stronger and most importantly happier family. I'm so sorry you and your family have to endure this. I wish you all a happy ending too.

Jessa said...

You are GREAT and I love you.

Your own strong, little family will help you get through the sorrows of your big family.

Remember - your feelings are just as valid as anyone's. Everyone copes in their own ways and you have that luxury, too.

Shelby said...

I love you.

As you know, my loss is different from your loss, but I'm sending you cyber hugs right now.

You can't really compare apples to oranges, but you can get together with all your friends, dice up what you carry around in your emotional backpack, and make a rockin' fruit salad and share.

Hope that my blog fulfills your need for verbal twinkies--maybe I should rename it "fluff and stuff."

Kara said...

Oh, you're so busted! ha ha

I'm glad that things are getting to a point that we can actually get the support we all desperately need. At least you're taking your thoughts to pen and paper. I'm burrying mine in miles of running. You inspire me in ways you don't realize. I'm glad you're my sister, you bring me strength.

Brigitta said...

So I pop in once in a while at your blog.(found you through Celia) At first it was because I love how you capture normal everyday things and make them look so beautiful through your photography etc. I also love looking at all the things you make and create and it kind of inspires me. I love all those things, but don't seem to capture them like you do. I also like reading your thoughts. I haven't been so bold on my blog, and so I appreciate when others share there feelings about stuff. Hang in there with the family stuff. My parents divorced when I was 8 and it was tough for a long time. (sometimes it still bothers me) I use to think it was easier on kids when they get older, but I am learning that it's never easy on kids and that's what sucks about divorce. It's always the kids who suffer the most. Good thing you have awesome sisters to lean on!!!!!!

xianfern said...

I'm sorry for what your family is going through.. I went through that when I was 7.. and it sucked.. and still does sometimes. But our family has healed, and your family will too. From everything I read on your blog, it seems like you have an amazing family, and your siblings are going to be such a great support for you. Hang in there! You are such an inspiration, I don't even think you know! I can't say enough about what I read here, it always puts a smile on my face.. you really are a lovely person, a great (incredible) mom, and Jake is sooooo lucky to have you as his wife!! Chin up missy ;)!!! xoxo..

Wendy said...

HI Britt. That's the thing about trials - we've all got them, we all empathize, but until you go through it, its hard to completely understand the inner struggles one goes through on a day to day basis.

I'm sad for them and your family. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm glad you got a little bit of it off your chest. Sometimes it just feels good to get it out. I love you friend!

pERiWinKle said...

Sometimes it alls begins with the breath...thinking of you...right next to you, drinking tea, wiping a tear, taking the kids to school so that you can have some time for your heart! You don't have to be strong...you can just be..xx

pERiWinKle said...

Sometimes it alls begins with the breath...thinking of you...right next to you, drinking tea, wiping a tear, taking the kids to school so that you can have some time for your heart! You don't have to be strong...you can just be..xx

pERiWinKle said...

Sometimes it alls begins with the breath...thinking of you...right next to you, drinking tea, wiping a tear, taking the kids to school so that you can have some time for your heart! You don't have to be strong...you can just be..xx

Anonymous said...

See all living beings as your father or mother, and love them as if you were their child.

emma jo said...

As always, so beautifully put and so profound and true. You are loved!

Suzie Petunia said...

You put into words so beautifully the many reasons why I read blogs and blog myself. I have found myself stumbling over my words and trying to express myself in the way you have here when people ask why I write a blog.

And my heart breaks for you and your family. I am so glad you can see the good even in the worst kind of situation. You have always been such a strong person. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the process of your growth. I think everyone who reads this blog learns from you.

Courtney said...

I have such a heavy lump in my throat after reading your post. What a heartbreaking thing you are enduring.

I think this quote you've shown by Kahlil Gibran is so wise and so true. Somehow, enduring the most heartwrenching things in life enables us to--someday--experience greater joy. Hard to understand, but it certainly is what the Savior has accomplished. Thankfully He is there to help us endure these difficult challenges.

I guess all this stuff--our trials--might all make better sense someday. I hope. Keep being courageous, friend.

~home bodies~ said...

you are amazing and you are loved. we love everything about your blog.

Leigh said...

I haven't commented before but wanted to -especially now. I can't say I understand personally about parents divorcing, but I did experience my grandparents divorcing when I was very young. It was an awkward and in some ways, scary time. I remember being more afraid of how sad I knew my grandmother was, and how the only thing that would probably fix it would be if my grandfather came back, if he still loved her. It still makes me sad and they have both now passed away. I also wanted to support what you said about the power of writing about how you feel. Giving pain, giving sorrow - a voice. It's very powerful. I find for myself, saying it out loud - even if it's just me by myself in the car - just saying things out loud make them real. - and maybe it's because once they are real - maybe that is when you can truly start dealing. For me, I know it's good to give your burdens over to words. And lastly, I simply am in awe of your creative talents - your photos, aprons, your love for your family, the food that you create - they all really inspire me.

Lindsey said...

Oh, thanks for sharing that. You love the blogger world for the exact same reasons I do. I think it is beautiful out there, in so many different ways. I love what I get from different blogs and how they effect me in different ways. It is hard, I think, for people to understand this unless they have felt it themselves. I will count you among those who understand.

Natalie said...

I enjoy your blog and looking at all of your wonderful photos and your cool aprons! I love 'em! I blog for the same reason that it seems most people do...I started it as therapy. I was/am going through a tough time in my life and this helped more than I will ever know. My parents divorced out of the blue almost 9 years ago. I was 27. Devastation, anger, hurt, abandoned, betrayed, lonely, etc...those were my feelings. Remember to take care of YOU. BREATHE. KEEP BUSY. Do things that you enjoy and be there for all the ones you love. If you ever need to talk or vent...feel free to email me via my blog. I have a "Lifetime For TV" story with my parents divorce.