grow

There has been growth here lately. Physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. I don’t know if I can put it into coherent thoughts, let alone words here, but I have sensed changes. It is going on around me, but this blog is about me...

I feel like I can look back and remember when being a mother was ridiculously hard. And now its not. When did that happen? When did I start enjoying this crazy ride? I used to feel constantly overwhelmed and like life wasn’t fair because being a mother was so much harder than I thought it was supposed to be. And here I am watching them grow and it feels like time is flying by. I am enjoying them and their cute little silly ways. I can appreciate their personalities and all their questions. I am learning so much from them now.

I feel like marriage used to be so much work. I have always been head over heels over my man, but it took a lot of compromise and apologizing and changing. Now it feels natural. I don’t mind things that used to be difficult. It feels so lovely and natural to be his wife.

I used to feel stopped before I even got started, but today it feels like the sky is my limit. Like all doors are open to me, and I probably would have felt frustrated that I wasn’t in each room all at once a little while back, but lately I’ve been okay with the way that I can go through one door and see all kinds of possibilities and then go through another door and I have all the possibilities from the last room still with me. It’s like I am happy to wander through and take it all in and know that there’s plenty of room for all the goodness. I have possibility oozing out all over the place and it’s hard to stop it from spreading.

Is it because the sun is out? Is it because the peepers are so darn loud at night? Is it that the cycle of life has started fresh and all the plants are popping out of the dirt that was barren just weeks ago? Is it because my children are getting older and I have moments to myself? Is it because I have been a mother for almost 9 years and a wife for almost 12 and it’s about time that I started feeling at home here? Is it because of answers to prayer? Is it because my level of commitment to God has deepened and intensified? Is it because I have had to look deeper because of disappointments beyond my control? Is it because I turned 32? Is it because I have good examples surrounding me?

I’m not sure. But what I do know is that I am more content than ever. I do know that I’ve felt growth. I do know that I still have plenty of moments when I’m frustrated and when life still feels hard, but it feels more balanced somehow. So here’s to busting out…