finding the artist in the mom

While I was at my love fest happy camp surrounded by artists and crafters, I had this question in the back of my head the whole time: How do mothers of young children make it work with the whole artist thing?

Becoming a mother was kind of a shock for me (I expected it to come perfectly naturally-HA!). It has taken me years to feel comfortable in my mother skin and it has been hard finding the balance of expanding myself with talents and passions with becoming the kind of mother I want to be.

There was one night at Squam where all the teachers and guest artists were in a panel on the stage and we got to ask questions. I raised my hand to ask my question (a little reluctantly, since I noticed that the majority of the women on the panel weren’t mothers), but time was short and I never got to voice it. So I began talking about it during classes and at mealtime with the women who were at my tables. We started discussing our varying experiences and these are some of the things I came away with…

*It’s not easy, but it is doable.

*When you want to live a creative life, you DO it, no matter what is going on. You find beauty and art in all creating, whether it is a painting, a quilt, or dinner for your family.

There were several women I talked with who had been avoiding becoming a mother because they weren’t sure if it could “work” with the lifestyle they pictured for themselves. I encouraged them to take the leap (it all comes about naturally when you have babies in your belly—people end up talking about motherhood around you), because even though it has taken me while to get here, I understand that when something is hard, it makes it more worth it. While children can seemingly cut into your hopes and dreams for yourself, they actually widen your perspective and deepen your values. They truly make you find beauty in places where you would have never dreamed to look before.

*A lot of the panel discussion focused on the job aspect of an artist. (Isn’t that everyone’s dream—to get paid for your talents and passions?) There was talk of creative jobs and quitting your blah job to focus on art. I found myself trying to mesh it into my lifestyle, but there was really no way to. If I want to make something, I have to do it with kids running around my legs begging to join in. I have to learn to create when the moment arrives and leave the mess in the kitchen until later. I have to learn to make it work when my primary focus and job is Mother and there is no getting around that.

That might sound negative, but it isn’t. Really, it was an a-ha moment. When Penelope said something like, “We do this every day. We paint every day because that’s who we are. We are artists and that’s what we do,” I realized that being an artist is part of WHO you are, and if I’m a mom, I can still be an artist.

On Sunday at church my son wanted to testify of what was in his heart. He decided to walk up to the podium in front of the entire congregation by himself and speak his truth. He was nervous, but he got a bit of his heart out through his mouth when he said, “I know this church is true. I know that Heavenly Father is watching out for me when I’m scared.” And he told me later that he wanted to say that he knows Heavenly Father answers prayers. My creation has his own creations. He not only thinks and speaks for himself, but he creates new depth in me that couldn’t be there without him.

*I keep trying to separate my children from this blog and it never works. This blog is supposed to be about my personal perspective but the truth is, my children are too integral a part of me—there is no separation. It is all part of the art of life and my children are like colors in the painting—when you take them out, it is not as beautiful.