Sunday, June 6, 2010

don't listen to the meanies.

cerulean sky

So I recently submitted paintings for the squam art show. I thought I was more prepared this time. I even wrote a guest post about it, encouraging others to submit. But there they are again, those little meanies: “You didn’t have enough time in your barn. Those pieces aren’t good enough. They should be more meaningful pieces. Why can’t you paint the light better?” and on and on.

But then I look at my life and see how full it is. I see that I have the amazing blessing of motherhood and I’d be silly to neglect that. Of course I have a hard time getting to my barn/studio. But at least my days are full of little faces and bodies and voices that I adore. At least I can get into my bed all exhausted and snuggle up to the love of my life. In fact it was hearing my son say, “That one is so awesome. It’s my favorite” that gave me the courage to push send. It was remembering the poem that my daughter wrote about one of my paintings in her poetry unit at school that helped me lift my chin and walk away from the computer feeling ready to move on with my day.

Time is hard to balance. And more time in my barn is coming as sure as the fireflies appear on warm nights in my back yard. I’ll get practice and learn and maybe someday I’ll be able to stop pretending that I’m an artist and really truly feel like one.

Post edit:  I just wanted to be more clear here:  the meanies are my own negative thoughts.  Some of us refer to them as "gremlins."  No one has actually said those things to me...unless you count myself.  But that's the point--we all are meanies to ourselves sometimes, and life is all about learning to balance it out.  Sometimes I think I'm pretty awesome too:)


Gabe said...

B-are you selling that print? I want it!

Jocelyn Lord said...

You are an exceptionally talented woman. You are mother to 5 children and you still manage to find the time to create beautiful. You inspire and challenge me.

brittany said...

gabebabe, I'm sure I will be selling prints of it. I just submitted it for the art show, but if it doesn't get selected I'll be putting the original up in the shop, too. Let me know, little honey:)

Jocelyn, THANK YOU! you are too kind, woman.

Mikael said...

Don't ever say you are "pretending" to be an artist!!! You ARE an artist! I say the same about my dancing- I never was REALLY a professional ballerina....and I go on and on and it just tears me down.
You are the most amazing artist because you touch so many people with your paintings. You have touched me with them and changed the way I look at motherhood and life. That is far more worth than anything :) Keep at it. And remember, a time in life will come when you will have time to sit in your barn, but then you will miss your babies!

brittany said...

wow, what a nice boost! thank you, sweetie:)

I know, I can already feel the time coming when I miss the little people surrounding me.


Jessica S. said...

The "meanies" need to go to for a review and then leave you alone since they are mistaken.
Art·ist [ahr-tist] - noun:
1.a person who produces works in any of the arts that are primarily subject to aesthetic criteria.
2.a person who practices one of the fine arts, esp. a painter or sculptor.
3.a person whose trade or profession requires a knowledge of design, drawing, painting, etc.: a commercial artist.

Anonymous said...

Mean people suck. You can give an honest opinion without tearing others down - some people just haven't figured out how to do that. I love your work and think you are an amazing artist and I still wonder how you do it all. Love you!!


Kara said...

Since I'm your sister my opinion doesn't really count because I love everything you do...but between me and you, if anyone can say they are SOMETHING, it is definitely you. You have such talent and to share that with others doesn't just take courage, it is a blessing to you and others around you. The way I look at it, you can't afford to not paint! Imagine life without the artist Brittany...I can't.

Dallas and Krista said...

This both makes me proud and makes me want to weep. How happy I am that you are so amazing as to see all of the beautiful, amazing, and everlasting gifts that you have in your life- how sad that you don't see that one (just ONE) of those gifts is that you are an incredibly talented and inspirational artist in every way. I'm not just speaking of the canvas. Pictures, food, cakes, outfits, words, notes sent in the mail, the way you wrap a gift, your childrens rooms, what you put in their lunches, the songs you sing to your babies, the way you tell your husband that you love him- you bring art into life- and that is what makes you ESPECIALLY amazing. You don't have to take 12 hours alone in the barn to make art- you make it every moment. I am one of your hugest fans EVER- just in case you forgot :)

Anonymous said...

oh wow your work as an artist yes i said artist because YOU are is AMAZING. also sounds like your work as a mother is AMAZING too,
xo and smiles~ jill

jake said...

For the record, the husband is not included in this cadre of meanies to answer those who asked. And yes he has a guilty conscience. He loves her paintings. Meanies are from within...right???? I wish some more would stay on our own walls, say a 30x40 for the bedroom?

Fritzi Marie said...

Dear Brittany,

I look up to you so much. I think you are amazing and I adore everything you do.

love love,
Fritzi Marie (Daniel's Kat)

Steph said...

Brittany that painting is beautiful. You ARE an artist!

I know what you mean when you say you sometimes don't feel like one, I get visits from the meanies too.

Congratulations on clicking send. :)


A-Kap said...

It takes me fo-EVAH to get around to commenting on your blog...and then you've posted another page, so I then don't. I know I'm late, but I just have to say that Krista is SPOT ON with her comment. I agree with her totally and completely. Every word of it. Couldna said it better myself. And I'm not a sister, so there is NO bias here!! ;-)