As I help my first-grader with her homework, nothing I say is right. I try everything I can, every tone of voice, but no matter what is said or how it’s said, she is defensive and angry with me. I ignore her rudeness and take a deep, cleansing breath and try once more.
As I begin the negative-talk inside my head about how I must be a horrible mother who makes her children feel bad about themselves, my brain rushes me to the past. Suddenly I am in southern Utah.
The bon fire filled the desert night with brightness, making the stars hard to see. There were people all around and they were focusing on me. I hate when lots of people are focusing on me. It makes me feel like hiding. I struggle to keep myself from running.
What would they see in me? This was my Naming Ceremony and they had thought about me and my qualities, my good and my bad; my strengths and my weaknesses. They had each thought about what I brought to the world and the people I come into contact with. I was a councilor to kids who needed help and understanding. Did I make a difference or did I leave The Field worrying about their struggles and trials every week for nothing?
The person I loved most in the world was in front of me. He looked like a desert nomad and I loved the ghost bead necklace and the shaggy hair and beard. My heart went soft and I struggled to focus on the words he was saying.
Medicine Rain. I am healing and wise. I am nourishing and life giving. I am like a medicine man of old, full of wisdom that heals those who need healing. I am like the medicine that goes into a body and fights the bad stuff hard enough that the body can heal. I am like water, hydrating all that is living and thirsty allowing life to flourish and grow. I am like the rain that falls from the sky and reaches everything, cleansing it and leaving it fresh and new.
My name is Medicine Rain. I am healing and wise. I am nourishing and life giving. I am gentle and kind.
I am back in my kitchen, the light casting its artificial yellow light through the room and the rain is coming down loudly outside. My darling girl sits working with a frown and a pencil with an eraser that has been all used up. She must be having a bad moment. I love her and she knows it.
I feel blessed that someone I trust with my life told me about myself. I’m grateful that he saw those things in me and told me about them. I’m happy that I choose him every day and I feel blessed that he still chooses me.
I took these pictures. I made this stuff with my own two hands. I wrote these words. It's just a bunch of craziness, but it's what in this noggin. If you're going to use any of my stuff for your own stuff, just ask me. (I'm sure I'll say yes. I'm nice like that.) And a little linkie love never hurt anyone if you know what I'm sayin;)